Fun with High School English Essays

by on July 25th, 2012

The following is a collection of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school English essays.

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  • The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
  • He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
  • The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
  • He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
  • John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
  • Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
  • McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
  • He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
  • The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
  • She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
  • He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
  • She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
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